Tuesday, June 26, 2007

fuck a "Super Bowl"

Disney World is for gays, tell the kids, play with knives and leave the gas on the oven over night! kitchens are what's burning up them charts lately.

Monday, June 18, 2007

free burd

"oh free bird how your wings of life fall to the stormy hot ground and flutter no more and your eyes remain shut not searching the fields and meadows of wonder for food or children's laughter. your soul flies no more with the clouds and wind and bugs and tree tops. your feathers are useless under the sun now who looks upon you with tear drop eyes and your little legs dont prance the earth for worms or the feel of the soft summer grass under your mini talons sharp enough to hold a branch and tender enough to carry your young who's every breathe now drowns without your regurgitated food...

and why free bird, why are you gone now? who's mighty arrow cast it's way into your heart and took the life beating like a lone drum in your chest? who threw the stone of darkness in your path to make thee fall from open air and onto the cooking ground below? why...why free bird...why...no seriously why?

because you are a fucking bird and nobody but bird people give a shit if your dead or alive...so do the world a favor and get over yourself....idiot."

-a poem, and a eulogy.


Saturday, June 16, 2007


dont try this at home

Monday, June 11, 2007

pure sex

moments later the cops were called because of all the sexualness

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

"whisper it"

are they the one for you? really?? are you sure???? let us make sure...

1. make her look you directly into your eyes, really deep, i mean into your soul, fuck maybe even your soul's soul. tell her how good it feels to have her gaze bury it's life into your heart's womb like a little baby nestled up feeding on your inner embillical chord. If she starts to breathe heavier, pet her...hard. If she doesnt break her stare and starts to sweat under her eyes she is yours, either that or she is ready for a restraining order. If you make it this far, continue petting her letting her know it's time to get intimate and climaxing will be in the near future.

2. during the dirtyness when you feel that special feeling coming on where you can't control what is real and what you are fantasizing about, open your eyes put your hands on her face and force her to look at you, then without warning start to cry...alot, or fake it...the whole point is to freak her the fuck out. If you can finish all the while crying like a baby, you win and she is yours. Nobody who crys during "the sex" and gets away with it isn't a fucking champ.

3. take her on a nice afternoon drive, preferably on secluded back road. Excelerate speed to an uncomfortable speed, take your eyes off the road and stare at her profusely. when she says "umm shouldnt you look at the road" and believe me she will, interupt her and say "do you love me?" most likely this will ensue with a "what?" answer, your repsonse..."say it....say you love me, forever...." at this point she will be focusing her time on the road and you staring her down wondering if you are going to crash or say" hahahahaha j-k" but you aren't going to. She will most likely say at this point, "you are scaring me" this is good. your next response..."whisper it, whisper you love me forever...like now" Right about then is when she will finally admit her undevoted love for you. After you are done and get the answer you want, when you drop her off and if she calls you later that night, congrats she is actually yours "forever."

-so remember kids, the key to all of these is excessive eye contact, it will creep the shit out of them and is a positive way to find out whether your special person actually likes you the way that you like them...



Monday, June 4, 2007

background noise

can't hate enough weekend. Get Fucked taking over soon. photo cred J-Hans, thanks.

they hate our freedumb

there are three lanquages I speak...U S and A.